I had a deep conversation with someone the other day. Well, more like they needed to vent and they invited themselves into my space and I lend them an ear. Immediately I noted that this was not going to be like our usual conversations that we always have, but that I needed to put on my “counselling” cap. It was a very interesting, though heart breaking conversation that we had, especially because innocent people are involved in a situation that was created by one heartless and selfish person. She brought her lunch for us to share and laid it on my desk as she pulled out a chair to sit. I left whatever it was I was busy with to give her all the attention she needed. With tears in her eyes she still tried to look strong, but was really hurting from inside. This is what I took from our conversation.

The reason why life is so tough for some women, married and single, is because somebody had done you wrong. And it’s hard for you to trust again, it’s hard for you to believe again and it’s hard for you to have confidence again. So you’re not healthy, you’re passive and you’re hurt. Sometimes when the cell phone goes off you’re wondering, you’re checking those emails and you’re checking your texts. But you don’t seem to be in control of the situation. What I know for sure is that we have got to get to a level of TRUST. Let’s face it… we all have issues. But our issues, the hurt and the pain, the things that happened, the things that we can’t undo, the things we’re still struggling with, they’re all around to destroy us if we don’t deal with them and learn to let go. It is not an easy road, but one worth travelling on. No one said relationships, romantic or emotional, would be easy, but we have to take the first step and heal our souls.

One of the issues that came up as our conversation evolved was that this behaviour had a generational lineage. Her husband has a shady background, comes from a broken family and had a sad upbringing - a history no one wishes upon their children. If her husband doesn’t come clean and seek professional help, things might take a turn for the worst. Not just for him but for their children also. Our children need not suffer because of our wrongdoing. My friend has a tough situation to deal with and I feel sorry for her. No other human being deserves to go through so much heartache, especially not the children.

I know this will sound easier said than done, but sometimes love is just not enough. We need to all play our part in a relationship - care for one another and show some respect. After listening to her story, I gave her my advice. No one can sort out another’s past issues on his/her behalf, no one can take away past experiences, and certainly, no one can undo what life has thrown at him/her already. Her husband needs counselling. This is bigger than their marriage and he needs to humble himself, remove all ego and pride and seek help. I believe he can come around, especially because he already has moral support. His wife and children love and adore him. He needs to man up and start on a clean slate. And as for their marriage… it is ultimately that very reason that brought the two of them together that will sustain their relationship.

Whatever the situation, there is always a solution. There is always a choice. And this life is a journey we all need to embrace fully!

ri-dot